Suspicion

Once more, the affected display of emotion,
Once more, those promises, never to see fruition,
Once more, those gifts I never sought of you,
Once more, the absence when I thought of you.

The primping and preening, when you go 'out',
That smile of expectance, that almost screams aloud,
The late coming back, excuses that challenge belief,
Oh how I dread those pockets, that forgotten handkerchief!

I always questioned my deserts when we
Found each other; rather, you took me;
Plain that I were, and that you were not,
Scared me then, and now explains a lot.

I know she would be pretty, but has she the heart
To live by your side, and never to depart!
The smile in your face, the spring in your walk,
The guilt in your face, and that we no longer talk.

The hours I spend in the parlor, bettering my share
Of what God had me granted, with fruitless repair.
How I wish that you would come clean, and that,
I might take leave of this guesswork, you and this flat.

I know I lack proof, but a woman knows (how, I know not)
When her man's not hers alone; and she who shares the knot
Though I know that I can never ask you to your face,

Suspicion alone will kill me, of shame and disgrace.